1 00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:23,042 Another chip of the Taj Mahal. 2 00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:26,332 You could have killed me with that. 3 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,916 So, you've been dead for the last five years. 4 00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,257 Oh charming, very. 5 00:00:30,258 --> 00:00:31,575 Ever since we've been married you've been. 6 00:00:31,576 --> 00:00:34,666 - Yes? - Lying in state! 7 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,999 Very good, darling, very good, no that's splendid. 8 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,249 No, come on, tell me more, tell me more. 9 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,832 Darling, don't stop now. 10 00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:46,582 We might as well talk about something 11 00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:49,042 as you pack your battle dress. 12 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:54,291 Anyway, I always think that the last part 13 00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:57,082 of your performance is the best, you know the climax 14 00:00:57,083 --> 00:00:59,499 brings out all the hidden dirt. 15 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:03,166 There she goes, off in search of golden boy. 16 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,082 At least it'll be nice to nice to meet someone 17 00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:08,041 who treats me, Oh treats me. 18 00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:10,957 Like a woman, that's it, right. 19 00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:13,749 Who says the art of good conversation is dead? 20 00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:16,332 When my wife can come out with great original phrases 21 00:01:16,333 --> 00:01:20,291 like someone who treats me like a woman, like a woman. 22 00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:21,500 Have you got your razor? 23 00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:28,124 Oh, forgive, what were we saying? 24 00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:30,416 No, honestly what you must think of me at a time like this. 25 00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:32,207 I mean, it's quite a moment, isn't it? 26 00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:37,208 It's what they call the crunch, the c-r-u-n-c-h 27 00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:38,500 and there was none. 28 00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:41,582 It seems rather sad doesn't it? 29 00:01:41,583 --> 00:01:43,874 I mean, we had something that was rare in this world, 30 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,374 my darling, we had something that was- 31 00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:46,375 Rotten! 32 00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:48,999 She has done it again. 33 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,541 You have won a major prize in the word game. 34 00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:55,916 But there is a brave new life ahead, is there not. 35 00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:59,874 Aha, yes, tonight among the fat guts and the money bags, 36 00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,332 there is an heir of cautious optimism. 37 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,082 Oh brother, they'll treat you like a woman, 38 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,874 they will all be out there in you know, waiting. 39 00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:11,875 night is so romantic 40 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,082 Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please. 41 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,624 Tonight as you know, marks the first international release 42 00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,792 of the fastest drawers in the west. 43 00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:28,042 Yes, Scillia, how are you, good holiday? 44 00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:34,958 What, Oh god, I am sorry, Scillia. 45 00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:37,708 Honestly. 46 00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:42,583 Well, of course, I always knew a bit. 47 00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:48,082 Oh, couldn't agree with you more, easily the best thing. 48 00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:50,249 Look, why don't we have a little lunch on, 49 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,417 tonight, you're joking. 50 00:05:54,625 --> 00:05:56,707 No, no, I didn't mean it like. 51 00:05:56,708 --> 00:06:00,375 Look, could you speak up a bit there is all that singing. 52 00:06:01,417 --> 00:06:02,875 Oh, is he. 53 00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:05,917 Well, it is a bit. 54 00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:13,750 All right, Well it'll take about, 55 00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:15,917 well, as soon as I can. 56 00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:18,625 See you. 57 00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:26,208 Oh damn it. 58 00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:36,874 Who was that then, Carey Grant? 59 00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,707 John is coming to collect me. 60 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,999 John, now that is quite a switch, isn't it? 61 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,291 Well, we mustn't keep him waiting must we? 62 00:06:44,292 --> 00:06:46,874 What's he got that I couldn't have had 63 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,624 for another 150 guineas a turn. 64 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,357 Oh by the way, my darling. 65 00:06:51,358 --> 00:06:52,582 I know what you're going to say. 66 00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:53,583 Do you, what? 67 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,499 Am I gonna to appear in that lousy show 68 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,957 of yours tomorrow night? 69 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,099 - That's right, darling. - No. 70 00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:02,207 Well, you do what you damn well like, 71 00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,874 I mean after tonight, you're on your own. 72 00:07:03,875 --> 00:07:04,916 You wanna bet. 73 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,999 When you do not turn up, 74 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,041 you'll be finished, of course, professionally. 75 00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:10,916 We have something in common after all. 76 00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,541 As director of the programme, I shall make my own excuses. 77 00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:17,916 As an excuse for a director, 78 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,041 you should be an expert at that. 79 00:07:20,042 --> 00:07:23,624 Putting on that crap every Sunday. 80 00:07:23,625 --> 00:07:25,582 Oh, thank you, they'll sue, of course. 81 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,124 Of course. 82 00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:28,582 Look it's breach of contract, darling, 83 00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:29,916 it could cost you a fortune, 84 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,916 now that will make a very nasty hole in Granny's nest egg. 85 00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:34,332 Granny's nest egg. 86 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,291 You signed a contract, darling. 87 00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:42,292 So did you, I thee worship, big deal. 88 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,082 I seem to remember there was something about obedience, 89 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,374 now come on, pull yourself together, Scillia. 90 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:49,542 - Lewis. - Hmm? 91 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,250 Have another drink. 92 00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:59,416 So the next time we meet will be in court. 93 00:07:59,417 --> 00:08:03,749 Fancying bother to me, Paris, 94 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,291 I shall ask for 48 other of fences to be taken 95 00:08:06,292 --> 00:08:07,874 into consideration. 96 00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:10,208 Lewis, here's your jacket. 97 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,957 Hard luck, darling, try the High Street, 98 00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:43,125 you get a much nicer class of person. 99 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:00,750 Uh, uh. 100 00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:11,291 Now you stay here and I'll step back and lock the car. 101 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,083 Excuse me. 102 00:10:20,417 --> 00:10:21,417 Excuse me! 103 00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:25,542 Oh. 104 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,000 Oh, John, is it all a mess? 105 00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:33,832 Well, it's not Claridge's is it? 106 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,332 No, I don't mean this, I mean everything. 107 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:39,333 Oh, come on, can't get mourning in this time of night. 108 00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:42,166 It is a bit dark. 109 00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:44,542 Yeah, Bob's gone on an Andy. 110 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,041 Oh, can you manage? 111 00:10:48,042 --> 00:10:50,750 I know these stairs only too well, my darling. 112 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,833 - I have an idea. - What? 113 00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:11,791 Harry's room upstairs. 114 00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:12,750 He's away on a course. 115 00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:15,167 You could easily slip in there for a day or two. 116 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:18,582 Will it be all right? 117 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:19,583 Oh yes. 118 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,666 Don't have sheets and things. 119 00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:26,025 Oh, Oh well, it doesn't matter. 120 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:32,999 Oh, would you like to stay here and me- 121 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,332 No, no, no, it's all right, 122 00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,833 if anybody's going up, it's me, come on, up we go. 123 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:51,291 Oh, oh, I could bother with all that business 124 00:11:51,292 --> 00:11:52,957 until tonight. 125 00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:54,624 A bit late. 126 00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:56,832 Yeah, got a key? 127 00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,657 Well, I don't think there's a lock on the door. 128 00:11:58,658 --> 00:12:00,041 Oh. 129 00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:02,625 A roof over your head though. 130 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:11,000 Oh, Oh, John, you are sweet. 131 00:12:13,292 --> 00:12:16,082 If you would just go down and bring that other case up. 132 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:21,083 I'll be all right. 133 00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:25,375 Well. 134 00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:28,874 No, no, really, John, I will. 135 00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:29,958 I'll be okay. 136 00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:36,792 I'll be okay. 137 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,832 Does he ever have a bath? 138 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:08,333 Yes, over there. 139 00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,292 It's all right, it's dead. 140 00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:10,416 What a bloody awful place. 141 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,624 Oh I know. 142 00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:14,082 I'm sorry. 143 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:15,582 Look, I'll stay up here tonight. 144 00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:18,500 No you won't, I will, it'll do me good or something. 145 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,624 Well, I'll phone Lewis in the morning 146 00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:29,625 and tell him you got a fabulous penthouse somewhere, 147 00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,124 how about that? 148 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,457 Oh, yes, John do that. 149 00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:36,666 Feel a bit better now? 150 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,875 Yes, I do actually. 151 00:14:39,042 --> 00:14:40,750 I couldn't go any further tonight. 152 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,166 See you in the morning. 153 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,292 Yes, all right, then. 154 00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:47,167 - John? - Mm? 155 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,207 Thanks very much, very much. 156 00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:54,082 Don't thank me, what for? 157 00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:56,708 Well, everything. 158 00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:06,066 Oh anytime, anyhow, anyway, come down when you get up. 159 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,000 Yes, all right, I will. 160 00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:08,166 - Sure you're warm enough? - Yes. 161 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,283 - You want a bottle? - Of what? 162 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,083 - Hot water bottle. - No. 163 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,042 Night night. 164 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:17,292 Night night. 165 00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:23,833 John, night night! 166 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,417 Good night. 167 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,625 Oh no. 168 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:12,167 Ah, darn it. 169 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,333 Yes, who's that? 170 00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:25,082 Lewis, well, it's damn late to ring, Lewis, 171 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:26,083 it's almost two. 172 00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:28,499 Yes, well, I mean, damn it man you know. 173 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,541 There's somebody in! 174 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:10,375 Hey! 175 00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,208 Oh damn. 176 00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:20,749 Of course I'm not taking sides, 177 00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:23,499 and what do you expect this time of night? 178 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:27,250 Of course, she's all right, I'll tell you about it tomorrow. 179 00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:30,167 I tell you she's all right. 180 00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:34,208 Yes, yes, Lewis. 181 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:40,583 Sure, she always was one for falling on her feet. 182 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Aye Lewis, Lewis, listen, why don't we all go to bed. 183 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,833 That's crude, Lewis, you know exactly what I mean. 184 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,167 I have no intention of doing that. 185 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,083 Well, call me then if you like. 186 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,208 Okay, I'll see you. 187 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,750 Scillia. 188 00:19:40,833 --> 00:19:43,041 John, John, the door slammed on my coat, 189 00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:45,583 I was trying to get out and I'm stuck. 190 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,416 Put another penny in. 191 00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:51,417 But I only had the one. 192 00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:55,582 Well, I'll go back and get one. 193 00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:57,707 Honestly, Scillia, this is the last straw. 194 00:19:57,708 --> 00:20:00,875 Hurry up, John, it's horrible down here. 195 00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:23,000 Oh John, you were ages. 196 00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:25,124 How did you get into that position. 197 00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:25,958 You must be joking, 198 00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,957 you don't think I'm doing this for fun do you? 199 00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:29,457 I do wonder about you. 200 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:31,041 Have you got the penny? 201 00:20:31,042 --> 00:20:32,624 - Yes. - Well, put it in. 202 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:36,416 All right here goes. 203 00:20:36,417 --> 00:20:38,917 - Now concentrate. - Concentrate. 204 00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:46,667 I'm frozen to death, let's get you back to bed. 205 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,375 Oi, you two. 206 00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,916 Hooray, applause, applause, applause 207 00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:15,707 and what, that's all right, sir I'll tell him. 208 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:19,458 All right, I'll tell him, okay, bye. 209 00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:24,833 That was very good indeed, that was tres yono darling. 210 00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:28,749 Yes, but you make a movement 211 00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:31,958 other end of table. 212 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,207 - Other end of, yes? - Yes, yes. 213 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:42,208 No, look, this end table bad, a bad medicine. 214 00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:49,125 This end table good, yes. 215 00:21:51,917 --> 00:21:54,667 It's okay, darling, just moving the sticks over. 216 00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:58,083 - Yes, yes. - Yes. 217 00:22:09,292 --> 00:22:11,417 Hold it, hold it. 218 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,916 But you'll have to come down, darling, 219 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:17,166 he doesn't understand a word. 220 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:20,291 He no savvy, right. 221 00:22:20,292 --> 00:22:23,875 Okay relax everyone, Lewis is coming down on the floor. 222 00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:35,083 What's the trouble? 223 00:22:35,084 --> 00:22:37,166 He doesn't understand a word, I've tried other language 224 00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:38,974 and I've tried to tell him, I've tried showing him, 225 00:22:38,975 --> 00:22:40,916 I mean, look at him grinning away like an idiot. 226 00:22:40,917 --> 00:22:44,124 I can't understand why they don't teach him English- 227 00:22:44,125 --> 00:22:46,499 Well, that's very good, I'm very pleased. 228 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:47,500 There's one or two. 229 00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:54,332 Oh yes, yes, forget about the table, forget the table. 230 00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:55,167 Yes. 231 00:22:55,168 --> 00:22:56,957 - Yes, we'll use the club. - Yes. 232 00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,125 - The throw up. - Yes. 233 00:23:03,292 --> 00:23:04,125 Good. 234 00:23:04,126 --> 00:23:05,374 You wait here. 235 00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,374 Just do the throw up for me will you? 236 00:23:07,375 --> 00:23:12,375 Just do the throw up for me will you love? 237 00:23:15,250 --> 00:23:16,917 - Throw up, it. - Up. 238 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:22,417 - Ah. - No, I, 239 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,667 tell him to throw it up, will you? 240 00:23:36,958 --> 00:23:37,958 ' UP, you. 241 00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:41,332 Ah. 242 00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,333 UP yeah. 243 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:02,749 I thought I'd seen it all last week 244 00:24:02,750 --> 00:24:04,917 when we had an alsatian on a trampoline. 245 00:24:09,458 --> 00:24:12,416 Where do they come from, I mean, where do they find them? 246 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:15,166 Lew, Lew, darling, we must get on, we're late already, 247 00:24:15,167 --> 00:24:16,457 now what about Scillia, is she here, 248 00:24:16,458 --> 00:24:18,416 she was called at 9:30, you know? 249 00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:19,624 Forget about her. 250 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:22,332 Forget, look is she coming or isn't she? 251 00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:25,083 She's gonna be a little late. 252 00:24:26,208 --> 00:24:28,207 Oh what a pickle it all is. 253 00:24:28,208 --> 00:24:32,624 Try that number will you? 254 00:24:32,625 --> 00:24:33,625 Keep ringing it. 255 00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:35,417 Scillia? 256 00:24:38,292 --> 00:24:40,832 Right now, then who else have we got? 257 00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:42,332 What was that old queen casting captured 258 00:24:42,333 --> 00:24:44,166 for 25 guineas last week? 259 00:24:44,167 --> 00:24:45,749 It's slipped my mind, gone, it's gone, it's gone, 260 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:49,082 I can't remember a thing, not a bloody thing. 261 00:24:49,083 --> 00:24:53,999 Oh no, oh that does it, that does it. 262 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,333 Elijah, I'd forgotten about him. 263 00:24:57,625 --> 00:24:59,832 Well, I think what Sunday mornings used to mean to me 264 00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:00,667 when I was a kid. 265 00:25:00,668 --> 00:25:03,249 Two way family favourites, when I think what I used to do, 266 00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:04,792 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning. 267 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,208 Somebody get me a chair! 268 00:25:23,333 --> 00:25:24,667 Did you sleep at all? 269 00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:31,667 - A bit, I took a pill. - Any good. 270 00:25:32,958 --> 00:25:36,957 - Not bad. - What colour was it? 271 00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:41,958 It was white with a blue bit around the middle. 272 00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:44,000 Oh, I had some of those. 273 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,124 Didn't you find you were a bit tired the next morning? 274 00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:52,624 Yes, then I'd take a green and white one to wake me up. 275 00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:55,082 Honestly, Scillia, you are well-equipped. 276 00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:56,499 I'm not, that's why I have to keep 277 00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:58,166 taking them all the time. 278 00:25:58,167 --> 00:26:00,750 Things will change for the better now, you'll see. 279 00:26:08,250 --> 00:26:11,083 - What time was he called? - 10 a.m. 280 00:26:13,292 --> 00:26:17,832 10 past 11, marvellous, isn't it, bloody marvellous. 281 00:26:17,833 --> 00:26:19,917 The car left the hotel half an hour ago. 282 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,125 Well, well, well. 283 00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:37,249 Can't be far away. 284 00:26:43,292 --> 00:26:44,292 He's here. 285 00:26:48,833 --> 00:26:53,833 bodiddley hey bodiddley 286 00:27:00,167 --> 00:27:05,166 287 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:09,333 288 00:27:11,083 --> 00:27:12,582 There he is my old darling, Lewis. 289 00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:15,082 A big kiss for Lewis McKinsey, how are you today. 290 00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:16,416 Morning Eli. 291 00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:20,291 And there's me darling duchess, how are you today, love'? 292 00:27:20,292 --> 00:27:21,874 You managed to leave from Santos then? 293 00:27:21,875 --> 00:27:25,749 Yeah, yeah, hey didley. 294 00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:28,917 Oh lovely, right. 295 00:27:42,792 --> 00:27:43,792 Get off. 296 00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:48,792 Shall we do the number? 297 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,916 Okay, Eli, darling, look, we must press on, 298 00:27:53,917 --> 00:27:56,249 try and get it in before lunch, okay? 299 00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:57,250 Yeah, Lew, yeah. 300 00:27:58,708 --> 00:28:02,582 301 00:28:02,583 --> 00:28:05,541 302 00:28:05,542 --> 00:28:09,208 303 00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,291 This isn't the number he's gonna do is it? 304 00:28:14,292 --> 00:28:15,292 NO- 305 00:28:16,583 --> 00:28:20,207 hallelu-yeah yeah Lew yeah 306 00:28:20,208 --> 00:28:25,124 307 00:28:25,125 --> 00:28:29,624 Shall we do our number. 308 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:32,291 Can we have the Elijah number on play back please. 309 00:28:32,292 --> 00:28:33,582 Lew, I've got the greatest idea. 310 00:28:33,583 --> 00:28:35,124 I've got the greatest idea ever, Lew. 311 00:28:35,125 --> 00:28:36,000 Shall we do the number? 312 00:28:36,001 --> 00:28:38,319 Now, Lew listen to me I'm gonna let you in right on the ground, 313 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:39,516 so I've got the greatest idea. 314 00:28:39,517 --> 00:28:40,417 What? 315 00:28:40,418 --> 00:28:41,957 Life-sized puppets. 316 00:28:41,958 --> 00:28:44,832 Very funny. 317 00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:46,291 They're life-sized puppets, Lew, 318 00:28:46,292 --> 00:28:48,172 introducing late night celebrities, it could be... 319 00:28:48,173 --> 00:28:50,008 Yeah, it could be the greatest thing ever, Lew, 320 00:28:50,009 --> 00:28:51,042 it could be on the moon. 321 00:28:51,043 --> 00:28:52,749 Could get them all dressed up in plastic 322 00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:54,416 and oh boy, it could be fantastic, Lew. 323 00:28:54,417 --> 00:28:56,656 I'll tell you something, man, if you get a show like that going, 324 00:28:56,657 --> 00:28:58,291 you could forget all about your ordeals, right? 325 00:28:58,292 --> 00:29:00,849 Yeah, you could have those old dears falling right off of their seats. 326 00:29:00,850 --> 00:29:03,624 Let's do the number. 327 00:29:03,625 --> 00:29:05,332 You're not listening to me, Lew. 328 00:29:05,333 --> 00:29:06,333 It's the greatest thing ever. 329 00:29:06,334 --> 00:29:08,916 Get their names, Kinky and Querky, 330 00:29:08,917 --> 00:29:10,457 oh it's compulsive, isn't it? 331 00:29:10,458 --> 00:29:11,292 It's sick. 332 00:29:11,293 --> 00:29:12,666 Yeah, I knew you'd like it. 333 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,999 Should I put a record on 334 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,999 or is it too early for you? 335 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,124 Please yourself. 336 00:29:18,125 --> 00:29:19,374 Anything you fancy? 337 00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:22,457 Is there a record of just distant gun fire'? 338 00:29:22,458 --> 00:29:27,458 Oh John, you're so sweet to me and I'm such a drag. 339 00:29:29,958 --> 00:29:31,791 - Oh nonsense. - Oh yes, I am. 340 00:29:31,792 --> 00:29:34,791 Do you wanna talk about it? 341 00:29:34,792 --> 00:29:38,624 What was the row about? 342 00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:41,707 I don't know, it just sort of blew up, 343 00:29:41,708 --> 00:29:45,499 Oh it's been coming on for ages. 344 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:49,791 He kind of absorbed me like a sponge 345 00:29:49,792 --> 00:29:53,707 in that house of ours, ours. 346 00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:55,791 Do you know if I bought anything for it, he used to hide it. 347 00:29:55,792 --> 00:29:59,832 You're bored aren't you? 348 00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:02,457 - No. - Oh yes you are. 349 00:30:02,458 --> 00:30:04,499 No, just trying to help. 350 00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:08,374 Do you want some more coffee? 351 00:30:08,375 --> 00:30:09,917 Yeah, go on, be a devil. 352 00:30:17,375 --> 00:30:19,666 - Scillia? - What? 353 00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:21,916 How much money have you got? 354 00:30:21,917 --> 00:30:23,999 What do you mean, on me? 355 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,124 No, love, put in the bank? 356 00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:27,166 Well, a bit, why? 357 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,333 There's a place here, sounds quite nice in the paper. 358 00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:33,082 A mace? 359 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:36,458 - Flat. - Oh. 360 00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:40,583 Where is it? 361 00:30:40,584 --> 00:30:42,625 It says fashionable Hammersmith. 362 00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:44,957 I don't fancy it. 363 00:30:44,958 --> 00:30:46,082 I haven't read it out yet. 364 00:30:46,083 --> 00:30:47,291 I still don't fancy it. 365 00:30:47,292 --> 00:30:52,292 I do not fancy it one tiny little bit. 366 00:30:53,708 --> 00:30:56,332 We could go and see it, what fun. 367 00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:59,249 I wanna do something wild and irresponsible 368 00:30:59,250 --> 00:31:01,666 and preposterous, if I do anything at all! 369 00:31:01,667 --> 00:31:02,667 Like what? 370 00:31:02,668 --> 00:31:04,749 Well, I don't know but not Hammersmith. 371 00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:07,082 Lewis' mother comes from Hammersmith! 372 00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:08,917 - Does she? - Yes, she does! 373 00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:16,416 When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be 374 00:31:16,417 --> 00:31:17,791 a lighthouse keeper. 375 00:31:17,792 --> 00:31:19,416 Do they have women lighthouse keepers? 376 00:31:19,417 --> 00:31:21,582 Oh, god, no Scillia, they probably 377 00:31:21,583 --> 00:31:24,541 do in Japan or somewhere like that. 378 00:31:24,542 --> 00:31:27,082 Maybe you should build a lighthouse, an ivory tower. 379 00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:32,083 You're just as bad as Lewis, you're all sending me up. 380 00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:33,125 Well. 381 00:31:33,126 --> 00:31:34,749 Oh what I want to do is something 382 00:31:34,750 --> 00:31:37,832 that is sort of a declaration of independence. 383 00:31:37,833 --> 00:31:39,624 I think you're pushing it. 384 00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,667 So do I. 385 00:31:43,125 --> 00:31:46,832 But John, you know me, I could never live 386 00:31:46,833 --> 00:31:49,166 in one of those great modern blocks. 387 00:31:49,167 --> 00:31:51,166 - You're better off. - I'd die. 388 00:31:51,167 --> 00:31:53,541 I'd rather live in a field. 389 00:31:53,542 --> 00:31:54,707 - I believe you would. - I would. 390 00:31:54,708 --> 00:31:56,291 - I believe you would. - I would! 391 00:31:56,292 --> 00:31:58,166 Scillia, once and for all, I don't know anyone 392 00:31:58,167 --> 00:32:00,391 who likes her own governess more than you, 393 00:32:00,392 --> 00:32:01,832 you and your bathroom for instance. 394 00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:03,791 Oh, it'd have to be a field with a bathroom in it. 395 00:32:03,792 --> 00:32:05,499 Spend all your time living in the bathroom. 396 00:32:05,500 --> 00:32:08,249 Actually, a bathroom is the only thing I miss 397 00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:09,416 about that house. 398 00:32:09,417 --> 00:32:12,000 - Are you hungry? - No, are you? 399 00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:16,250 NO- 400 00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:19,417 Should we eat tonight? 401 00:32:20,667 --> 00:32:25,124 Oh, yes, if you've got nothing more important on. 402 00:32:25,125 --> 00:32:28,667 I could always open a tin of something. 403 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,833 No, I think definitely go to a club and cheer you up. 404 00:32:38,375 --> 00:32:39,291 Shall I answer it? 405 00:32:39,292 --> 00:32:40,208 If you do, I'm not in. 406 00:32:43,333 --> 00:32:44,999 Do you think she'll be all right up there? 407 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,374 She always insists on the biggest set. 408 00:32:48,375 --> 00:32:52,541 Who's that rather twanky- 409 00:32:52,542 --> 00:32:54,582 - Elijah Stark. - Who? 410 00:32:54,583 --> 00:32:56,207 Our star. 411 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,958 We couldn't get Sinatra every week. 412 00:32:58,792 --> 00:33:01,082 Eli, Eli! 413 00:33:01,083 --> 00:33:02,583 Just a minute. 414 00:33:04,792 --> 00:33:06,916 There's somebody I want you to meet, come on. 415 00:33:09,042 --> 00:33:10,624 I don't think you've met Elijah, 416 00:33:10,625 --> 00:33:11,999 Elijah, this is Saul Alexander, 417 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,124 head of Light Entertainment. 418 00:33:13,125 --> 00:33:16,082 Oh, give us a chance, give us a chance 419 00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:17,832 that's all I want Saul just a chance. 420 00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:21,291 Good evening. 421 00:33:21,292 --> 00:33:23,282 I hope you find well Saul, he's a genius you know, 422 00:33:23,283 --> 00:33:24,416 a genius. 423 00:33:24,417 --> 00:33:26,541 I think you'll find he receives adequate recompense. 424 00:33:26,542 --> 00:33:29,333 Hey, you don't make any money then, hey, hey, hey. 425 00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:32,416 I think you should go, Saul, it would be best. 426 00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:34,249 Yes, I don't think I'll stay for the transmission. 427 00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:35,607 Have you heard my single, sir, 428 00:33:35,608 --> 00:33:37,041 what did you think of my single, hey? 429 00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:38,791 Very good, good sound. 430 00:33:38,792 --> 00:33:42,832 Yeah, it's number four in the charts 431 00:33:42,833 --> 00:33:44,249 but it's still climbing. 432 00:33:48,875 --> 00:33:50,541 Do you think he's going to be all right? 433 00:33:50,542 --> 00:33:51,707 Don't worry it's his pills working. 434 00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,257 Have you told old Saul about our puppets? 435 00:33:53,258 --> 00:33:55,124 No, not yet. 436 00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:56,332 PUPPETS, What puppets. 437 00:33:56,333 --> 00:33:58,041 I mentioned it to the BBC but they reckoned 438 00:33:58,042 --> 00:33:59,791 it was much more your line of country. 439 00:33:59,792 --> 00:34:01,999 Nah. 440 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,666 Yeah, got a great idea for a puppet show, 441 00:34:03,667 --> 00:34:05,582 it's fantastic, it's life size puppet show. 442 00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,583 - Lewis. - Scillia? 443 00:34:08,042 --> 00:34:09,466 Nothing, I phoned around everywhere 444 00:34:09,467 --> 00:34:11,791 but we've had it, there's no one that' step in this late. 445 00:34:11,792 --> 00:34:15,791 What are we left with then? 446 00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:19,291 Some old dear in his 60's who can hardly stand 447 00:34:19,292 --> 00:34:20,332 let along sing. 448 00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:22,207 A balancing act from god knows where 449 00:34:22,208 --> 00:34:24,457 and a sex maniac on top of the bill. 450 00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:26,874 It has a certain old world charm about it. 451 00:34:26,875 --> 00:34:30,666 What exactly happened between you and Scillia last night? 452 00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:32,291 Did you forget your key or something? 453 00:34:32,292 --> 00:34:33,624 It matters damn all what happened, 454 00:34:33,625 --> 00:34:35,416 she's booked to appear. 455 00:34:35,417 --> 00:34:36,957 She doesn't need the money. 456 00:34:36,958 --> 00:34:38,374 She will soon. 457 00:34:38,375 --> 00:34:40,666 Oh, look, you better phone transmachine control, 458 00:34:40,667 --> 00:34:42,083 tell them we're going to under-run. 459 00:34:42,084 --> 00:34:44,000 I already have at lunchtime. 460 00:34:47,417 --> 00:34:48,458 I'm off to the pub. 461 00:34:51,875 --> 00:34:56,082 462 00:34:56,083 --> 00:34:59,749 463 00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:02,916 464 00:35:02,917 --> 00:35:06,374 465 00:35:06,375 --> 00:35:11,375 affair may be ruined collapse 466 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:19,000 467 00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:26,457 468 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:30,291 469 00:35:30,292 --> 00:35:32,999 470 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,999 angels fear to tread 471 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,000 about our new romance 472 00:35:49,583 --> 00:35:54,583 473 00:35:58,250 --> 00:36:02,207 474 00:36:02,208 --> 00:36:05,457 475 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:09,041 476 00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:13,082 477 00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:18,083 may very well collapse 478 00:36:20,667 --> 00:36:25,667 479 00:36:28,125 --> 00:36:32,666 480 00:36:32,667 --> 00:36:36,624 481 00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:40,374 why don't go where 482 00:36:40,375 --> 00:36:44,541 483 00:36:44,542 --> 00:36:49,542 about our new romance 484 00:36:51,917 --> 00:36:56,500 485 00:37:18,708 --> 00:37:19,958 - Better? - Yes. 486 00:37:21,167 --> 00:37:23,791 - There she is. - Oh my god that's him again. 487 00:37:23,792 --> 00:37:26,082 Now keep calm, let him have a scene. 488 00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:27,832 They're bound to throw him out. 489 00:37:27,833 --> 00:37:29,917 You mean, pour him out. 490 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,666 Where the hell have you been all day, may I ask? 491 00:37:35,667 --> 00:37:36,832 Avoiding you. 492 00:37:36,833 --> 00:37:39,249 I thought I'd find you here slumming around 493 00:37:39,250 --> 00:37:40,457 with pretty boy. 494 00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:43,582 Now Lewis, watch it. 495 00:37:43,583 --> 00:37:45,832 Don't touch me, John, I'm terrified, 496 00:37:45,833 --> 00:37:47,632 I know you're a kind of a street gold medalist. 497 00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:51,457 I do think personal freshness is so important, don't you? 498 00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,916 It's a raid. 499 00:37:52,917 --> 00:37:54,999 Has this man been annoying you, madame? 500 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,707 For the last five years. 501 00:37:56,708 --> 00:37:58,791 What a dull bitch you are. 502 00:37:58,792 --> 00:38:00,957 Would you mind leaving the club, sir? 503 00:38:00,958 --> 00:38:02,832 Certainly inspector, only too happy 504 00:38:02,833 --> 00:38:04,374 to help the police in any way I can. 505 00:38:04,375 --> 00:38:05,457 Get out. 506 00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:08,332 You think she'd had done the show, I mean wouldn't you. 507 00:38:08,333 --> 00:38:09,167 Yeah. 508 00:38:09,168 --> 00:38:11,749 What an understanding fellow you are. 509 00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:14,583 If I faint, leave the money on the grill. 510 00:38:27,667 --> 00:38:30,541 Well, that was a charming little performance, I must say. 511 00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:33,875 I say, he's obviously drinking like a fish. 512 00:38:42,458 --> 00:38:44,042 I'll never go back to him now. 513 00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,542 God to think I was weakening. 514 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:53,583 Oh, no, no, never, never, never, ever. 515 00:38:56,583 --> 00:39:01,249 I was just thinking about the rest of my things. 516 00:39:01,250 --> 00:39:02,249 What things? 517 00:39:02,250 --> 00:39:03,249 My clothes and stuff. 518 00:39:03,250 --> 00:39:04,583 You mean, there's more than we had last night? 519 00:39:04,584 --> 00:39:05,624 Oh, masses. 520 00:39:05,625 --> 00:39:07,374 Well, I'm rather tied up this week, otherwise I'd- 521 00:39:07,375 --> 00:39:11,499 Oh don't worry, I'll go down there myself tomorrow. 522 00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:13,957 There's all sorts of bits and pieces, 523 00:39:13,958 --> 00:39:16,083 my transistor radio, he's not getting that. 524 00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:23,750 Oh, I suppose everything happens for the best. 525 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:31,166 I'll have a bath while I'm there. 526 00:39:31,167 --> 00:39:33,393 Why don't you borrow the car, it's only 20 minutes down the M4. 527 00:39:33,417 --> 00:39:35,166 Oh, yes, thank you. 528 00:39:35,167 --> 00:39:38,749 - Suppose he turns up. - No, he won't do that, 529 00:39:38,750 --> 00:39:39,833 he works on Mondays. 530 00:39:41,958 --> 00:39:45,458 You staying on here a bit? 531 00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:52,291 Well, two or three more nights, if that's all right. 532 00:39:52,292 --> 00:39:54,333 I suppose Harry won't mind. 533 00:39:59,542 --> 00:40:02,082 I'll ask around at work, see if anyone knows of a flat. 534 00:40:02,083 --> 00:40:03,874 I must make a list. 535 00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:08,875 There's my radio, it's in the bathroom, my Polaroid camera, 536 00:40:12,583 --> 00:40:15,333 oh, the Kenwood mixer, that's in the bathroom too. 537 00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:30,541 - Lewis. - Lancet. 538 00:41:30,542 --> 00:41:32,792 Oh Lewis, it's fantastic. 539 00:41:33,625 --> 00:41:35,791 - Oh, you like it? - Mmm. 540 00:41:35,792 --> 00:41:38,291 Come, let me take your coat, shall I? 541 00:41:38,292 --> 00:41:40,332 Thank you. 542 00:41:40,333 --> 00:41:41,791 Oh, it's beautiful. 543 00:41:41,792 --> 00:41:42,875 Good, good. 544 00:41:43,750 --> 00:41:46,957 Well, now then a little drink I think, don't you? 545 00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:48,841 A lovely little drink to do you the world of good, 546 00:41:48,842 --> 00:41:51,207 you know, that cold of yours, it'll build you up. 547 00:41:53,292 --> 00:41:54,332 Some of this, yes? 548 00:41:54,333 --> 00:41:56,749 Oh, just a tiny one Lewis, I had a couple at the club. 549 00:41:56,750 --> 00:41:57,833 - Five. - Five. 550 00:41:58,792 --> 00:41:59,832 Who's counting. 551 00:41:59,833 --> 00:42:01,499 Come here, let me have a look at you. 552 00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,791 You know it's inconceivable that I haven't seen you before. 553 00:42:04,792 --> 00:42:07,999 I've been doing the children's programmes in Birmingham 554 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,407 I expect that's why. 555 00:42:09,408 --> 00:42:10,542 We'll soon put a stop to that. 556 00:42:10,543 --> 00:42:12,374 I've signed for another 13. 557 00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:13,957 Oh don't worry about that darling, I'll fix it, 558 00:42:13,958 --> 00:42:15,207 I want you to leave it to me. 559 00:42:15,208 --> 00:42:17,792 You've got to get into the habit of leaving everything to me. 560 00:42:17,793 --> 00:42:18,750 You must trust me. 561 00:42:18,751 --> 00:42:20,499 - What about me? - Just trust me. 562 00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:24,791 You don't live in Birmingham, do you? 563 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:26,416 No, Fulham. 564 00:42:26,417 --> 00:42:27,874 Well, there you are, you see, I mean, 565 00:42:27,875 --> 00:42:28,916 if you're in my show, 566 00:42:28,917 --> 00:42:31,124 you won't have that nasty whole journey all the time. 567 00:42:31,125 --> 00:42:32,499 - But you mean. - I mean. 568 00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:35,124 Oh good, what do I have to do? 569 00:42:35,125 --> 00:42:38,833 Oh, I'll think of something. 570 00:42:40,042 --> 00:42:42,124 You know, my dear I've always thought of myself 571 00:42:42,125 --> 00:42:44,249 as something of a creative man. 572 00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:45,332 But you are, Lewis. 573 00:42:45,333 --> 00:42:48,249 Ah, now, seeing you there with the light falling 574 00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:51,667 on your delicate head, a lovely sensuous mouth, 575 00:42:52,625 --> 00:42:54,375 makes me think of a great painting. 576 00:42:55,292 --> 00:43:00,292 A Goya, perhaps, a Velasquez, or a Renoir. 577 00:43:00,417 --> 00:43:02,541 Did you bring the cigarettes in from the car? 578 00:43:02,542 --> 00:43:03,616 Hmm? 579 00:43:03,617 --> 00:43:05,166 Cigarettes, did you bring them in? 580 00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:08,082 Oh, no, no, you don't want a cigarette. 581 00:43:08,083 --> 00:43:09,083 No, I was just... 582 00:43:10,083 --> 00:43:10,917 I would like one please. 583 00:43:10,918 --> 00:43:11,749 What? 584 00:43:11,750 --> 00:43:12,582 I would like one. 585 00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:13,883 No, don't, no, no, no, it's all right, it's all, right, 586 00:43:13,884 --> 00:43:14,916 I'll get them. 587 00:43:14,917 --> 00:43:16,417 Oh, it's okay. 588 00:43:16,917 --> 00:43:20,374 Don't, you stay here, help yourself to a drink, 589 00:43:20,375 --> 00:43:23,417 and there's some records on there, I'll be a sec. 590 00:43:33,125 --> 00:43:35,125 Hello, darling, you must be a new one. 591 00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:38,500 He's a remarkable man, isn't he? 592 00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:41,832 You must be a very sweet child to be taking 593 00:43:41,833 --> 00:43:43,042 such an interest in him. 594 00:43:44,125 --> 00:43:48,124 Borrowed time, it's such a sinister phrase I always thing, 595 00:43:48,125 --> 00:43:51,249 but not to worry, we've always made it a family rule, 596 00:43:51,250 --> 00:43:52,999 that one of us should be here with him 597 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:57,125 so, if you need me, just call. 598 00:43:59,833 --> 00:44:03,124 The specialist has done a remarkable job, really. 599 00:44:03,125 --> 00:44:06,542 Those rubber tubes and little bits of wire. 600 00:44:08,792 --> 00:44:13,583 You'd think he was a healthy man instead of a living corpse. 601 00:44:14,958 --> 00:44:15,958 Here they are. 602 00:44:15,959 --> 00:44:18,791 No, I, no. 603 00:44:18,792 --> 00:44:20,124 - Don't you want? - No thank you. 604 00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:21,125 Ah, you. 605 00:44:24,292 --> 00:44:25,707 Just a minute. 606 00:44:25,708 --> 00:44:26,875 Wait a minute. 607 00:44:59,708 --> 00:45:01,457 What a fantastic place, however did you find it'? 608 00:45:01,458 --> 00:45:03,249 Oh, I've been coming here on and off for ages. 609 00:45:03,250 --> 00:45:05,374 Not many people know about it. 610 00:45:05,375 --> 00:45:06,999 Yes, I can see that. 611 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,833 What's that? 612 00:45:10,750 --> 00:45:12,291 Schnapps- 613 00:45:12,292 --> 00:45:15,208 Gin and tonic please. 614 00:45:17,333 --> 00:45:19,458 Oh, what a day. 615 00:45:20,833 --> 00:45:23,833 Well, how was the bath and everything? 616 00:45:26,250 --> 00:45:28,916 I've done something awful. 617 00:45:28,917 --> 00:45:30,207 Is the car all right, you haven't- 618 00:45:30,208 --> 00:45:31,999 No, of course not. 619 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,457 - I saw Lewis. - Oh that's it, 620 00:45:36,458 --> 00:45:37,707 had another row. 621 00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:39,374 He didn't see me. 622 00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:42,666 He had a woman with him, he brought a woman home. 623 00:45:42,667 --> 00:45:44,832 A bit swift. 624 00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:46,207 I saw them. 625 00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:47,333 What, actually? 626 00:45:47,542 --> 00:45:49,958 No, no, not actually. 627 00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:52,000 What was she like? 628 00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:56,125 Very unpleasant for you. 629 00:45:56,417 --> 00:45:57,916 They didn't see me, I got away. 630 00:45:57,917 --> 00:45:59,916 I thought it was going to be something much worse. 631 00:45:59,917 --> 00:46:01,124 Well, I haven't finished yet. 632 00:46:01,125 --> 00:46:02,499 - There's more? - Yes. 633 00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:03,624 - And? - Well, you see, 634 00:46:03,625 --> 00:46:05,332 I was in such a state when I rushed away, that- 635 00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:08,457 Scillia, is the car all right? 636 00:46:08,458 --> 00:46:09,916 John, forget about the wretched car. 637 00:46:09,917 --> 00:46:14,375 I bought a piece of land. 638 00:46:15,542 --> 00:46:20,249 - Oh my god, how much? - About an acre. 639 00:46:20,250 --> 00:46:22,624 - How much? - That's the deposit. 640 00:46:22,625 --> 00:46:27,625 John, you haven't said anything. 641 00:46:27,667 --> 00:46:29,999 - Thinking. - Don't be angry. 642 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,999 I'm not angry, not my money. 643 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,166 We'll sell it again, I suppose. 644 00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:37,791 What are you going to do with it? 645 00:46:37,792 --> 00:46:39,582 I'm going to build. 646 00:46:39,583 --> 00:46:42,541 I'm going to find an architect who'd do it. 647 00:46:42,542 --> 00:46:44,957 It's got outline building permission the man said. 648 00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,666 It was a sweet little man. 649 00:46:46,667 --> 00:46:48,166 Where was I? 650 00:46:48,167 --> 00:46:49,691 He said it with a bit of luck, I could be moving in 651 00:46:49,692 --> 00:46:50,666 in three months time. 652 00:46:50,667 --> 00:46:51,749 - Into what? - Into a- 653 00:46:51,750 --> 00:46:54,291 - A place. - Yeah. 654 00:46:54,292 --> 00:46:55,566 Costs thousands. 655 00:46:55,567 --> 00:46:57,491 Not a big place, John, don't be difficult, darling. 656 00:46:57,492 --> 00:47:00,757 Listen you know lots of architects and clever people 657 00:47:00,758 --> 00:47:02,541 like that, there must be someone who can help. 658 00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:04,166 I know a man called Lebetay, he might. 659 00:47:04,167 --> 00:47:05,666 Is he any good? 660 00:47:05,667 --> 00:47:08,124 - Well, he's a psychiatrist. - Think. 661 00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:12,416 Well, if you had thousands 662 00:47:12,417 --> 00:47:13,874 and you wanted to start at the top, 663 00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:15,999 you can try old Fisher over there. 664 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,374 What does she think she's good on? 665 00:47:18,375 --> 00:47:21,041 Well, I don't know about her but that is Fisher, 666 00:47:21,042 --> 00:47:24,332 one of the great pre-war eccentrics, equestrian, swordsman, 667 00:47:24,333 --> 00:47:26,166 racing driver, architect. 668 00:47:26,167 --> 00:47:27,291 You're making it up. 669 00:47:27,292 --> 00:47:29,374 I'm not. The waiter was his batman, he told me. 670 00:47:29,375 --> 00:47:30,791 Did you say architect? 671 00:47:30,792 --> 00:47:32,457 Oh, I wasn't being serious. 672 00:47:32,458 --> 00:47:35,416 I think we're quite his speed, he's very big time. 673 00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:37,624 He might design something for me. 674 00:47:37,625 --> 00:47:39,082 You're joking. 675 00:47:39,083 --> 00:47:40,124 Mr. Fisher. 676 00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:41,458 - Graft. - Graft. 677 00:47:42,458 --> 00:47:43,458 - Von. - Von. 678 00:47:46,125 --> 00:47:49,707 Fisher? 679 00:47:49,708 --> 00:47:53,666 Graff Von Fisher, I would like 680 00:47:53,667 --> 00:47:56,041 to consult you professionally, of course, 681 00:47:56,042 --> 00:47:58,249 I need your advice. 682 00:47:58,250 --> 00:48:00,207 So. 683 00:48:00,208 --> 00:48:03,082 I would like to make an appointment with you. 684 00:48:03,083 --> 00:48:06,791 I'd like to consult you about my land. 685 00:48:06,792 --> 00:48:08,707 Your land, ze fatherland? 686 00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,542 Oh no, not a land, not that sort of land. 687 00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:15,167 It's more of a plot. 688 00:48:16,125 --> 00:48:19,749 Plot, plot, was that man here. 689 00:48:19,750 --> 00:48:24,457 My dear, I've quite enough of plots, quite enough. 690 00:48:24,458 --> 00:48:26,999 Show this gentlemen our papers. 691 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,457 Oh, please let me talk to you. 692 00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:31,708 He will see at 11:25 tomorrow. 693 00:49:03,042 --> 00:49:04,958 Lovely show, darling. 694 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,000 Shut up. 695 00:49:14,792 --> 00:49:16,416 Has it been around yet? 696 00:49:16,417 --> 00:49:18,875 What, coffee? Quarter to 12, you're joking. 697 00:49:22,958 --> 00:49:26,375 Be a dear, will you, try and find me some. 698 00:49:31,167 --> 00:49:32,874 I used to make my other secretary. 699 00:49:32,875 --> 00:49:34,832 We all know that, darling, what we often wondered 700 00:49:34,833 --> 00:49:36,832 was who had custody of the child. 701 00:49:36,833 --> 00:49:38,624 You mustn't believe every letter you see pinned 702 00:49:38,625 --> 00:49:40,041 on the staff notice board. 703 00:49:40,042 --> 00:49:44,332 Why can't we have an electric kettle 704 00:49:44,333 --> 00:49:45,875 like they do at the BBC? 705 00:49:50,125 --> 00:49:55,125 Do I have to look at you doing that? 706 00:49:57,917 --> 00:50:00,708 Lewis McKenzie's office, who's calling? 707 00:50:01,958 --> 00:50:03,208 Jane Fishton. 708 00:50:04,542 --> 00:50:06,166 Sorry, he's just popped out, can I take a message? 709 00:50:06,167 --> 00:50:09,082 We're not casting at the moment 710 00:50:09,083 --> 00:50:10,999 but if you care to send in a photograph. 711 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,208 Very well, I'll tell him. 712 00:50:20,917 --> 00:50:22,708 Get me some coffee, please. 713 00:50:23,750 --> 00:50:24,832 - What like this? - Put a patch 714 00:50:24,833 --> 00:50:26,207 over the other eye. 715 00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:27,208 Oh god. 716 00:50:28,292 --> 00:50:30,041 Oh, I wish I was dead. 717 00:50:30,042 --> 00:50:32,582 Looks like another early night for mister show business. 718 00:50:32,583 --> 00:50:36,041 Tell me something, why is it every woman I know 719 00:50:36,042 --> 00:50:37,707 is a horrible, twisted bitch? 720 00:50:37,708 --> 00:50:39,749 Luck, darling. 721 00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,582 If you can't beat them, join them, 722 00:50:42,583 --> 00:50:44,291 I think I'll have the operation. 723 00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:46,082 You could have fooled me, I thought you'd had. 724 00:50:46,083 --> 00:50:47,749 Lewis McKenzie's office. 725 00:50:47,750 --> 00:50:49,707 I'm afraid Mr. McKenzie's in a meeting. 726 00:50:49,708 --> 00:50:54,708 Onto where, Malta, well I'll tell Lewis you called, goodbye. 727 00:50:56,542 --> 00:51:00,250 Malta, per so. 728 00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:06,749 Darling, now that we have the main masses sketched in, 729 00:51:06,750 --> 00:51:08,999 could you do the more delicate brush work in the loo. 730 00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:10,000 It's like sitting opposite 731 00:51:10,001 --> 00:51:12,332 a bloody sign writer eight hours a day. 732 00:51:12,333 --> 00:51:15,082 - Five most. - Five then. 733 00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:17,999 Perhaps you won't have to too much longer. 734 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,166 Tell me you're going, who are you going to work for next? 735 00:51:21,167 --> 00:51:25,499 Holloway, the Military Police? 736 00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:28,916 You're not in the club, are you, oh not that, not you. 737 00:51:28,917 --> 00:51:32,291 Don't worry darling, not another blood test. 738 00:51:32,292 --> 00:51:35,124 I don't think you've got much left anyway. 739 00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:37,874 Saul Alexander was in looking for you, 740 00:51:37,875 --> 00:51:40,957 wants you phone him as soon as you come in. 741 00:51:40,958 --> 00:51:44,374 Well, thank you. 742 00:51:44,375 --> 00:51:46,041 You've taken your time giving me 743 00:51:46,042 --> 00:51:48,374 that bit of news, haven't you? 744 00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,500 That's loyalty and devotion, that is. 745 00:51:52,958 --> 00:51:54,082 What does he want? 746 00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:57,791 He's just seen a recording of your last night's show. 747 00:51:57,792 --> 00:51:58,792 "And?" 748 00:52:02,543 --> 00:52:04,791 And he says, geeze. 749 00:52:04,792 --> 00:52:06,249 Lewis McKenzie's office. 750 00:52:06,250 --> 00:52:09,207 - Lewis. - Ah, Saul, 751 00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:10,957 I was just coming up to see you. 752 00:52:10,958 --> 00:52:13,124 Yes, yes, I hear you played back the show. 753 00:52:13,125 --> 00:52:15,291 We'll talk about that upstairs. 754 00:52:15,292 --> 00:52:17,166 You coming? 755 00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:20,082 Yes, you go on, I'll catch you up there. 756 00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:23,000 Just got to... 757 00:52:32,417 --> 00:52:34,241 And somehow I think we're going to have to forego 758 00:52:34,242 --> 00:52:35,707 our usual lunchtime orgy. 759 00:52:35,708 --> 00:52:37,207 Looks like it, sweetie. 760 00:52:37,208 --> 00:52:40,208 If anybody calls I'll tell them you'll be back drunk about three 761 00:52:40,417 --> 00:52:42,792 for the daily ceremony of the laying on of hands. 762 00:53:51,875 --> 00:53:54,666 He'll never do it, even if he does it, 763 00:53:54,667 --> 00:53:56,417 it'll cost thousands. 764 00:53:59,208 --> 00:54:00,499 Enter. 765 00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:13,916 - You wish to build? - Hmm? 766 00:55:13,917 --> 00:55:15,792 - You wish to build! - Yes! 767 00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:36,917 - Where is the site? - Just here sir. 768 00:55:38,083 --> 00:55:39,292 Marked it across. 769 00:56:01,375 --> 00:56:02,375 I'll say. 770 00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:06,917 Look, there's my field. 771 00:56:20,042 --> 00:56:22,917 So much for the site, now for the working drawings. 772 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,958 Here I will build, but what, but what? 773 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,041 Ask him about the money. 774 00:56:32,042 --> 00:56:33,541 - Your husband? - No, a friend. 775 00:56:33,542 --> 00:56:38,499 A friend, ah, but we build for two, yes? 776 00:56:38,500 --> 00:56:41,207 You're like two little birds in the blue, yes? 777 00:56:50,375 --> 00:56:52,791 No, for one, I live alone. 778 00:56:52,792 --> 00:56:55,041 I thought, you live alone? 779 00:56:55,042 --> 00:56:56,416 I do. 780 00:56:56,417 --> 00:57:00,500 But for you I will build, for you I will build. 781 00:57:26,833 --> 00:57:29,333 Smoke out again, smoke go out. 782 00:57:34,417 --> 00:57:36,792 With a bath, a nice bath. 783 00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:38,750 Bath. 784 00:57:38,751 --> 00:57:41,207 - And somewhere to cook. - Kitchen. 785 00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:43,207 And somewhere to hang up my clothes. 786 00:57:44,708 --> 00:57:47,707 A place to entertain with a bath. 787 00:57:47,708 --> 00:57:49,599 - Entertain with a bath. - Yes, a nice bath. 788 00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:54,000 Yeah, yeah. 789 00:57:54,208 --> 00:57:58,042 Windows, windows, windows, towel rail, towel rail. 790 00:58:01,667 --> 00:58:04,417 Floors, floors, round floors out. 791 00:58:13,042 --> 00:58:17,042 792 00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:24,041 - Pardon? - You happy? 793 00:58:24,042 --> 00:58:29,041 Graft, darling, it's marvellous. 794 00:58:38,458 --> 00:58:43,458 Now, I survey it, the drawings will be ready in two days. 795 01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,500 Yes, very natural. 796 01:02:06,375 --> 01:02:07,583 Get us our drink, Lewis. 797 01:02:11,542 --> 01:02:13,542 Yes, of course, I'll do anything I can. 798 01:02:15,250 --> 01:02:18,500 Hastings, very wise. 799 01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,792 Have her legs swollen up again this time? 800 01:02:22,292 --> 01:02:23,292 Oh that's good. 801 01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:27,166 I'll be with you in a minute, Lewis. 802 01:02:27,167 --> 01:02:29,207 How right you are, Mother. 803 01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:31,499 No, no, it's all right, nothing important. 804 01:02:31,500 --> 01:02:35,417 And Mrs. Earl, no I can't talk about that now. 805 01:02:38,042 --> 01:02:39,083 That' be the day. 806 01:02:40,167 --> 01:02:43,625 Yes, all right, hello to Flo, bye-bye. 807 01:02:47,833 --> 01:02:48,833 Smoke? 808 01:02:49,542 --> 01:02:54,083 No, thank you Saul. 809 01:03:10,083 --> 01:03:13,999 It says here she then fell from the stool, is that right? 810 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:15,666 More or less, yeah. 811 01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:17,416 JB's gonna see this, I'm afraid, Lewis. 812 01:03:17,417 --> 01:03:21,042 If you insist on booking these old dears who've been on the trot for years, 813 01:03:21,043 --> 01:03:23,624 I mean, what else do you expect? 814 01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:26,083 It's a wonder they don't fall down more often. 815 01:03:27,042 --> 01:03:29,166 She is a great favourite of JB's 816 01:03:29,167 --> 01:03:31,041 and you know she goes down like a bomb up north. 817 01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:33,957 Best place for the poor old thing. 818 01:03:33,958 --> 01:03:35,957 She's a very great entertainer. 819 01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:37,707 - She's cheap. - That's not the point. 820 01:03:37,708 --> 01:03:39,541 Well, what is the point then? 821 01:03:39,542 --> 01:03:44,542 Why else do you keep lumbering me with these old tots 822 01:03:45,042 --> 01:03:47,250 from the provinces? 823 01:03:49,333 --> 01:03:50,624 Every time casting makes a booking, 824 01:03:50,625 --> 01:03:52,916 I have to check with the obituary columns. 825 01:03:52,917 --> 01:03:55,791 Now, Lewis, I've managed to talk JB into giving you 826 01:03:55,792 --> 01:03:57,124 another chance, now it wasn't easy. 827 01:03:57,125 --> 01:04:00,832 Oh, don't tell me, let me guess, now what delights 828 01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:02,874 are in store for me now? 829 01:04:02,875 --> 01:04:05,749 Or is it gonna be one of those lovely outside broadcast surprises? 830 01:04:05,750 --> 01:04:07,957 We're gonna do a brand new series of spectaculars, 831 01:04:07,958 --> 01:04:10,624 what do you think about that? 832 01:04:10,625 --> 01:04:12,416 It's all right, I suppose. 833 01:04:12,417 --> 01:04:13,957 Now, Lewis, this is difficult for me, 834 01:04:13,958 --> 01:04:15,541 but as head of Light Entertainment, 835 01:04:15,542 --> 01:04:16,791 in this company I like to feel 836 01:04:16,792 --> 01:04:21,791 that we have established a sort of style of our own. 837 01:04:21,792 --> 01:04:22,874 Nevermind. 838 01:04:22,875 --> 01:04:24,499 You won the award, didn't you? 839 01:04:24,500 --> 01:04:26,999 Two years ago. 840 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,916 Now these new shows will be something different. 841 01:04:28,917 --> 01:04:31,207 Now I've made a few notes here, you'll see what I'm driving at. 842 01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,249 Now each show will have a big start, 843 01:04:33,250 --> 01:04:35,249 we'll build each show around a big name. 844 01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:36,624 Who, for instance? 845 01:04:36,625 --> 01:04:38,207 Well, I mean someone big. 846 01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:41,291 Okay, if you've got the money. 847 01:04:41,292 --> 01:04:43,107 We've got the money, Lewis, we've got the money, 848 01:04:43,108 --> 01:04:44,124 don't worry about that. 849 01:04:44,125 --> 01:04:45,716 Well, you kept it a secret from me all this time. 850 01:04:45,717 --> 01:04:48,791 These new shows will be different, lavish, 851 01:04:48,792 --> 01:04:51,207 like "Covergirl" all over again. 852 01:04:51,208 --> 01:04:55,249 We'll start each show on film with a star artist arriving 853 01:04:55,250 --> 01:04:57,124 at the studio. 854 01:04:57,125 --> 01:04:59,041 In a Rolls, I suppose. 855 01:04:59,042 --> 01:05:03,207 Marvellous idea, Rolls, yes, yes. 856 01:05:03,208 --> 01:05:06,207 That's the old Lewis McKenzie magic working, Rolls. 857 01:05:06,208 --> 01:05:09,207 We'll win that award yet, you wait and see. 858 01:05:09,208 --> 01:05:13,416 - We. - Yes, now Lewis, 859 01:05:13,417 --> 01:05:14,624 don't take this the wrong way 860 01:05:14,625 --> 01:05:17,707 but it was catch and go up there with JB this morning, 861 01:05:17,708 --> 01:05:19,291 he wanted you to go now. 862 01:05:19,292 --> 01:05:22,457 It was only by suggesting that I sit in 863 01:05:22,458 --> 01:05:25,583 on this show with you, that you're still here. 864 01:05:30,833 --> 01:05:32,566 It won't work, Saul. 865 01:05:32,567 --> 01:05:35,207 Now, don't be like that, Lewis, wait until you hear some of these ideas. 866 01:05:35,208 --> 01:05:37,832 Now the finale, a wartime medley. 867 01:05:37,833 --> 01:05:40,916 - Wartime. - Yes, 868 01:05:40,917 --> 01:05:43,874 all the old songs, "Old 504, "When the Lights Go on Again,". 869 01:05:43,875 --> 01:05:45,332 "The White Cliffs of Dover." 870 01:05:45,333 --> 01:05:47,499 "Hang Out your Washing on the Siegfried Line." 871 01:05:47,500 --> 01:05:49,624 Marvellous idea, "Hang Out your Washing" 872 01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,374 on the Siegfried Line," yes, yes, I can see 873 01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:53,499 it all search lights in the background, 874 01:05:53,500 --> 01:05:54,957 washing hanging on the barbed wire, 875 01:05:54,958 --> 01:05:57,416 sound of marching men, yes, yes. 876 01:05:57,417 --> 01:05:59,291 This will knock them for six at mantra. 877 01:05:59,292 --> 01:06:00,541 You can say that again. 878 01:06:00,542 --> 01:06:04,832 Have you tried Lilly Marlena? 879 01:06:04,833 --> 01:06:06,416 Is she free'? 880 01:06:06,417 --> 01:06:08,541 She'd do it for me. 881 01:06:08,542 --> 01:06:11,708 She's free, she'd do it for anybody. 882 01:06:51,792 --> 01:06:55,417 - Good afternoon, ma'am. - Good afternoon. 883 01:06:56,792 --> 01:06:58,249 If you would be so kind. 884 01:06:58,250 --> 01:06:59,250 Oh yes. 885 01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:03,750 Thank you, madam, most kind of you. 886 01:07:08,083 --> 01:07:10,291 You do not appear to actually have an appointment, madam. 887 01:07:10,292 --> 01:07:11,541 Oh I didn't know you had to have... 888 01:07:11,542 --> 01:07:12,458 Oh, nevermind, nevermind. 889 01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:15,291 As it so happens, I can fit you in. 890 01:07:15,292 --> 01:07:19,291 We're showing a mixed collection down here at the moment. 891 01:07:19,292 --> 01:07:21,082 In the spring as you as you doubtless know, 892 01:07:21,083 --> 01:07:23,207 we start the series of one man shows. 893 01:07:23,208 --> 01:07:28,208 I'm sure you will find something to amuse you, nevertheless. 894 01:07:28,292 --> 01:07:29,292 Really? 895 01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:37,500 A lifetime of trouble-free drainage, delicious isn't it? 896 01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:42,249 A symphony in enamel, cast-iron, of course. 897 01:07:42,250 --> 01:07:43,250 Just a moment. 898 01:08:02,917 --> 01:08:05,041 - This is the one. - How right you are, madame. 899 01:08:05,042 --> 01:08:09,917 Full suite, of course. 900 01:08:30,208 --> 01:08:32,332 Now, camera three picks him up 901 01:08:32,333 --> 01:08:33,416 at the top of the stairs, 902 01:08:33,417 --> 01:08:35,957 we go down with him and as he turns, 903 01:08:35,958 --> 01:08:40,958 we mix to camera two and as he walks forward, 904 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:44,666 we pull back and camera- 905 01:08:45,708 --> 01:08:46,708 Oh no! 906 01:08:46,709 --> 01:08:47,749 I am so clumsy, I am sorry. 907 01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:49,957 Oh, you poor thing, you sure you're not burnt? 908 01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:52,083 Just a little bit on my hand, fortunately the coffees never hot. 909 01:08:52,084 --> 01:08:54,582 Well, it's a good thing more than a little went on me. 910 01:08:54,583 --> 01:08:58,541 On my model and my trousers. 911 01:08:58,542 --> 01:09:00,207 I said I was sorry, Lewis. 912 01:09:00,208 --> 01:09:04,332 Just look at these trousers, they're soaking. 913 01:09:04,333 --> 01:09:06,542 These have just come back from the cleaners. 914 01:09:07,458 --> 01:09:08,999 Would you mind leaving the room? 915 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:10,749 I have seen it all before. 916 01:09:10,750 --> 01:09:12,750 Oh, thank you miss world. 917 01:09:13,875 --> 01:09:16,582 What can I say, Lewis, I'll tell you what, 918 01:09:16,583 --> 01:09:19,082 charge it on the petty cash, put it onto the show, 919 01:09:19,083 --> 01:09:20,457 unofficially, on me. 920 01:09:20,458 --> 01:09:24,082 Already done it, just sign it and I might just catch her 921 01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:25,499 before she closes. 922 01:09:25,500 --> 01:09:29,791 Next time try and spill some on his sweater, 923 01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:32,250 he's been wearing it for the past three weeks. 924 01:09:36,583 --> 01:09:38,082 What a curious woman. 925 01:09:38,083 --> 01:09:39,832 - Oh, same old trouble. - What? 926 01:09:39,833 --> 01:09:41,208 Not getting enough of it. 927 01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:45,833 Isn't she? 928 01:09:47,333 --> 01:09:48,999 She fancies you, you know. 929 01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,375 Oh, Oh, come now. 930 01:09:51,667 --> 01:09:52,917 It stands out a mile. 931 01:09:54,917 --> 01:09:55,917 Really? 932 01:10:01,333 --> 01:10:04,666 How are things between yourself and Heather? 933 01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:05,957 Who the hell is Heather? 934 01:10:05,958 --> 01:10:06,958 Your wife, Heather. 935 01:10:08,042 --> 01:10:09,707 Oh, Scillia, you mean, Scillia. 936 01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:11,791 Scillia, yes, Scillia. 937 01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,208 Nonexistence, I think that's the word. 938 01:10:17,042 --> 01:10:20,125 Oh, stupid isn't it, bloody stupid. 939 01:10:23,333 --> 01:10:26,125 Absolutely stupid. 940 01:10:27,125 --> 01:10:28,707 You fancy a drink over the road. 941 01:10:28,708 --> 01:10:31,874 Yes, uh, no, you go on, I'll catch you up, 942 01:10:31,875 --> 01:10:34,332 I'll just make a couple of quick calls. 943 01:10:34,333 --> 01:10:35,541 I'll wait for you if you'd like. 944 01:10:35,542 --> 01:10:37,625 No, you go on. 945 01:10:42,083 --> 01:10:46,042 Well, don't do anything I wouldn't do, as they say. 946 01:10:52,250 --> 01:10:55,041 Here you are, seven pounds. 947 01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:58,082 Face is familiar, I can't recall a marriage. 948 01:10:58,083 --> 01:11:00,041 Stupid, isn't it? 949 01:11:00,042 --> 01:11:02,124 If you don't phone her, then, for Christ's sake, I will. 950 01:11:02,125 --> 01:11:03,333 One day. 951 01:11:04,292 --> 01:11:07,250 - Is he still? - Still. 952 01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:13,791 Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. 953 01:11:13,792 --> 01:11:15,208 Hello. 954 01:11:19,208 --> 01:11:20,957 Well, why don't you come and stay with us? 955 01:11:20,958 --> 01:11:23,041 Oh, that's very sweet of you 956 01:11:23,042 --> 01:11:25,499 but I think we'll be moving a few weeks. 957 01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:27,499 Are you sure, we have lots of room. 958 01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:29,207 No, no, I think I'll stick it out. 959 01:11:29,208 --> 01:11:33,041 What do you do about you and Lewis, 960 01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:34,916 when did it all happen? 961 01:11:34,917 --> 01:11:36,541 Two months ago. 962 01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:38,999 And you've been living above John ever since? 963 01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:40,000 Yes. 964 01:11:40,833 --> 01:11:44,500 - What's the frat like? - So, so. 965 01:11:45,625 --> 01:11:50,124 - Any news of Lewis? - No. 966 01:11:50,125 --> 01:11:55,083 - Any talk of a divorce yet? - No. 967 01:11:56,458 --> 01:11:58,749 Perhaps, he's having you followed. 968 01:11:58,750 --> 01:11:59,832 Well, that would be a thankless task, 969 01:11:59,833 --> 01:12:01,291 I've gone right off it. 970 01:12:01,292 --> 01:12:03,749 Oh, darling, it seems a terrible waste. 971 01:12:03,750 --> 01:12:07,458 - Yes. - What about Lewis? 972 01:12:10,917 --> 01:12:13,042 Your guess is as good as mine. 973 01:12:14,833 --> 01:12:17,624 - Do you ever hear? - Hazel saw him 974 01:12:17,625 --> 01:12:19,041 walking down High Street the other day 975 01:12:19,042 --> 01:12:21,707 and she said he looked very ill. 976 01:12:21,708 --> 01:12:23,332 He was very pale and drawn. 977 01:12:23,333 --> 01:12:26,207 Well, darling, Hazel sees everybody like that. 978 01:12:26,208 --> 01:12:27,208 Yep. 979 01:12:28,708 --> 01:12:32,000 Of course, he always did drink, quite a lot. 980 01:12:33,667 --> 01:12:35,207 Do you think so? 981 01:12:35,208 --> 01:12:39,374 John says he needs complete rest. 982 01:12:39,375 --> 01:12:40,749 - Who does, John? - No, Lewis. 983 01:12:40,750 --> 01:12:43,583 He'd phoned him up a couple of times at the office 984 01:12:45,500 --> 01:12:47,166 but he wasn't there. 985 01:12:47,167 --> 01:12:48,916 Well, darling if he's not there, 986 01:12:48,917 --> 01:12:50,582 where could he be? 987 01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:53,582 - In the clinic. - What clinic? 988 01:12:53,583 --> 01:12:58,583 You know, in a curious sort of way, 989 01:12:58,750 --> 01:13:00,667 he was quite dependent on me. 990 01:13:01,792 --> 01:13:05,625 Yes, darling, in a curious sort of way, 991 01:13:06,708 --> 01:13:07,791 I suppose he was. 992 01:13:07,792 --> 01:13:10,124 Oh, dear, Carol, you're so understanding. 993 01:13:10,125 --> 01:13:13,499 Ah, but then of course you've been through it yourself, 994 01:13:13,500 --> 01:13:14,667 so many times. 995 01:13:16,542 --> 01:13:21,375 just like a woman 996 01:13:26,667 --> 01:13:31,667 makes them act this way 997 01:13:34,583 --> 01:13:39,583 grows much bigger everyday 998 01:13:43,458 --> 01:13:47,332 999 01:13:47,333 --> 01:13:51,749 1000 01:13:51,750 --> 01:13:55,749 1001 01:13:55,750 --> 01:14:00,707 1002 01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:03,749 1003 01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:07,832 1004 01:14:07,833 --> 01:14:11,750 1005 01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:19,666 You're the last person I expected to see here. 1006 01:14:19,667 --> 01:14:20,667 Yes. 1007 01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:25,832 I'm sorry about all that. 1008 01:14:25,833 --> 01:14:29,292 - What will you have, scotch? - I'm all right, tomato juice. 1009 01:14:30,583 --> 01:14:34,958 - Oh, well, how's everything? - Fine. 1010 01:14:40,750 --> 01:14:42,500 - You? - Very 900d. 1011 01:14:45,417 --> 01:14:47,499 You seem to be doing very well, nice deficit? 1012 01:14:47,500 --> 01:14:48,500 Yeah, not bad. 1013 01:14:53,167 --> 01:14:56,750 - Is? - No, not tonight. 1014 01:14:58,417 --> 01:15:00,582 Just thought I'd ask. 1015 01:15:00,583 --> 01:15:04,749 - Of course. - How is she? 1016 01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:07,207 Oh splendid, I see her on and off you know. 1017 01:15:07,208 --> 01:15:08,958 Yes, quite. 1018 01:15:13,542 --> 01:15:17,332 She has got in- Oh no, nothing like that. 1019 01:15:17,333 --> 01:15:18,333 - No. - No. 1020 01:15:26,917 --> 01:15:28,166 - If I were too, you think? - Probably. 1021 01:15:28,167 --> 01:15:33,167 - You think? - Yes. 1022 01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:40,624 Shall I ask her down one night? 1023 01:15:40,625 --> 01:15:43,957 Down, Oh no, hell not here. 1024 01:15:43,958 --> 01:15:45,541 Dinner, then break the ice? 1025 01:15:45,542 --> 01:15:47,582 Well, I'd prefer to hide behind the crowd. 1026 01:15:47,583 --> 01:15:49,499 Well, how about a nice little party, your place? 1027 01:15:49,500 --> 01:15:50,333 ' My Mace. 1028 01:15:50,334 --> 01:15:52,457 What a very good idea, I haven't been to a good mixer 1029 01:15:52,458 --> 01:15:53,874 for weeks. 1030 01:15:53,875 --> 01:15:54,708 - Your place. - My place? 1031 01:15:54,709 --> 01:15:55,957 Much better, Oh, I hate my place. 1032 01:15:55,958 --> 01:15:57,082 I just had the floor done. 1033 01:15:57,083 --> 01:15:58,957 Well, we must all be very careful, mustn't we? 1034 01:15:58,958 --> 01:16:01,874 Yes, we damn well must, no raiders. 1035 01:16:01,875 --> 01:16:03,707 Now not a word to Scillia and it's all on me, all right? 1036 01:16:03,708 --> 01:16:06,416 I wouldn't dream of it, split it then. 1037 01:16:06,417 --> 01:16:08,082 - Saturday it is then. - Saturday. 1038 01:16:08,083 --> 01:16:10,403 Okay, if I bring Saul and Ellen, you like them don't you? 1039 01:16:13,292 --> 01:16:14,542 Passionately. 1040 01:16:17,500 --> 01:16:20,499 Oh... 1041 01:19:06,625 --> 01:19:08,707 You know, he's fifteen and a half he dresses in overalls, 1042 01:19:08,708 --> 01:19:10,291 and he sings folk songs about all the women 1043 01:19:10,292 --> 01:19:12,332 he's been to bed with. 1044 01:19:12,333 --> 01:19:13,333 Well, he must have something. 1045 01:19:13,334 --> 01:19:14,458 Very good at miming. 1046 01:19:15,792 --> 01:19:18,792 Oh well, that's what it is, you see. 1047 01:19:28,417 --> 01:19:30,124 He went into the Congo to look for this tribe 1048 01:19:30,125 --> 01:19:33,457 and when he come back ripe with disease, 1049 01:19:33,458 --> 01:19:36,417 he found they were all living in one house up Ladbroke Grove. 1050 01:19:36,458 --> 01:19:39,458 So, he chucked a tin of Kit-E-Kat on the bed and said to the girls father. 1051 01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,416 She should have tried to bribe somebody 1052 01:19:44,417 --> 01:19:46,041 in the college of cardinals. 1053 01:19:46,042 --> 01:19:47,791 Oh no, she got a special compensation from the pope. 1054 01:19:47,792 --> 01:19:52,792 - Dispensation. - No, compensation, 1055 01:19:53,292 --> 01:19:55,542 she had a cheque through the post. 1056 01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:59,707 Do you, um, do much swimming in the nude? 1057 01:19:59,708 --> 01:20:01,124 All the time darling. 1058 01:20:01,125 --> 01:20:02,833 Yeah, where? 1059 01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:04,692 Streatham Baths. 1060 01:20:04,693 --> 01:20:07,332 Have you been hanging around divorce courts recently? 1061 01:20:07,333 --> 01:20:09,166 Oh yes, you know it was so much hurried 1062 01:20:09,167 --> 01:20:10,874 than when we got married. 1063 01:20:10,875 --> 01:20:13,374 While we waited, Mark fell to his knees. 1064 01:20:13,375 --> 01:20:15,749 Oh how is he, is he still working as a railway farmer? 1065 01:20:15,750 --> 01:20:19,124 Yes, worries me a bit sometimes. 1066 01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:22,124 A waste of the double first. 1067 01:20:22,125 --> 01:20:26,041 Yes, you see they're going around to diesels. 1068 01:20:26,042 --> 01:20:28,625 She was like a dying flame. 1069 01:20:29,500 --> 01:20:30,707 I go down big all over the country, 1070 01:20:30,708 --> 01:20:33,374 I could have done some great jobs, great gigs, I've done, 1071 01:20:33,375 --> 01:20:35,666 I've been down the south coast, I've done Walton-on-the-Naze 1072 01:20:35,667 --> 01:20:37,375 I've done Frinton, I done Roehampton. 1073 01:20:53,833 --> 01:20:55,433 Do you know what happened with Gloria? 1074 01:20:56,042 --> 01:20:58,417 Was she that girl who crashed her Mini as Ascot? 1075 01:20:58,500 --> 01:21:00,041 Forget all about that mate, listen to this. 1076 01:21:00,042 --> 01:21:02,875 It's a fab RnB song, I wrote it meself. Right count me in. 1077 01:21:03,292 --> 01:21:05,292 One, two, three. 1078 01:21:06,250 --> 01:21:09,957 1079 01:21:09,958 --> 01:21:14,332 1080 01:21:14,333 --> 01:21:15,791 Oh it's lovely. 1081 01:21:35,167 --> 01:21:37,291 Oh no, I had to be, 1082 01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:38,874 and you still don't have a following 1083 01:21:38,875 --> 01:21:40,541 - like the Beatles? - Of course they have. 1084 01:21:40,542 --> 01:21:41,792 - Who? - Hitler. 1085 01:21:49,125 --> 01:21:50,875 - John, John. - Lewis. 1086 01:21:52,250 --> 01:21:53,749 - Hello. - How are you? 1087 01:21:53,750 --> 01:21:54,750 No worse. 1088 01:22:14,375 --> 01:22:16,292 My god, I look awful. 1089 01:22:48,542 --> 01:22:50,542 Isn't it great, hello. 1090 01:22:54,917 --> 01:22:56,083 What are you doing? 1091 01:22:56,708 --> 01:22:57,749 Little... take it off. 1092 01:22:57,750 --> 01:22:58,583 - No, stop it. - Come on. 1093 01:22:58,584 --> 01:22:59,791 Oh come on, be a sport. 1094 01:22:59,792 --> 01:23:00,625 - Take it off. - Oh stop it! 1095 01:23:00,626 --> 01:23:04,292 Listen, my husband's downstairs! 1096 01:23:06,375 --> 01:23:08,000 Oh, you are all the same. 1097 01:23:13,292 --> 01:23:14,542 Oh, was that? 1098 01:23:16,458 --> 01:23:18,416 - No, when? - What? 1099 01:23:18,417 --> 01:23:23,417 Oh sorry, excuse me. 1100 01:23:25,542 --> 01:23:27,582 Come on. 1101 01:23:27,583 --> 01:23:30,291 There, stop it! 1102 01:23:30,292 --> 01:23:31,707 Stop it, stop it! 1103 01:23:31,708 --> 01:23:32,708 Lewis. 1104 01:23:33,417 --> 01:23:35,417 Look, that is my wife! 1105 01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:39,125 Lewis, Lewis. 1106 01:23:55,542 --> 01:23:57,332 Hey, hey, come off him, come off him! 1107 01:23:57,333 --> 01:23:58,667 Leave him alone. 1108 01:23:59,667 --> 01:24:00,667 Kill him- 1109 01:24:04,583 --> 01:24:06,250 Lewis, be careful. 1110 01:24:12,125 --> 01:24:13,125 Oh darling! 1111 01:24:21,542 --> 01:24:22,542 Oh, Lewis. 1112 01:24:23,958 --> 01:24:24,958 Oh, Lewis. 1113 01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,207 - Lewis. - Hmm? 1114 01:24:30,208 --> 01:24:31,208 Zip me Up- 1115 01:24:37,250 --> 01:24:38,333 - Come on. - Go. 1116 01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:48,582 Lewis! 1117 01:24:48,583 --> 01:24:51,917 - We're going home. - No, I don't think so. 1118 01:24:56,375 --> 01:24:58,125 You must be joking. 1119 01:27:58,375 --> 01:28:03,375 with all those other guys 1120 01:28:06,917 --> 01:28:11,917 1121 01:28:11,958 --> 01:28:16,541 1122 01:28:16,542 --> 01:28:20,832 1123 01:28:20,833 --> 01:28:25,249 1124 01:28:25,250 --> 01:28:29,167